I swear weddings are designed to make women go batshit insane. A Practical Wedding refers to this nonsense as the Wedding Industrial Complex (WIC). I think that is one of the reasons I happen to love that blog so much–they really stress that a wedding is not about needing All the Things.
So far wedding planning hasn’t been too bad. There’s been a couple moments of sticker shock, but in general things are moving pretty smoothly. That being said, there are some things about the wedding industry that *really* bug the crap out me. So now, at exactly 6 months out, I present the top 6 things (in no particular order) I personally find most obnoxious about wedding planning.
1) The Wedding Diet. I was curious about a pin titled Top 10 Things to Do After You Get Engaged (or something like that). Now while some of their things made sense, but mixed in there was Choose Your Wedding Diet. Um… what? Way to give women a complex about their weight. If you’re concerned about your weight it should be a lifestyle change anyway, not a frantic fad diet to try to be as skinny as possible for a single day. Related: why do wedding dresses run so frickin small????
2) This pose. You’re trying to sell a dress? It’s probably a good idea to make the model look like she’s enjoying herself, not like she’s fighting horrific cramps.
3) Pesty vendors/sales people. I swear to god the next time David’s Bridal calls me I’m just going to tell them I’ve eloped, and even then I still get the feeling they’d keep trying to sell me crap. If I go shopping for any other clothing I don’t get calls from the staff trying to get me to come back for things I tried on. No other clothing shops demand my personal information either. Unless I have actually ordered a dress, there is no reason you need my contact info and I wish I had been stubborn about that when I started shopping. Also, telemarketers. Just because some jerk sold you my number doesn’t mean you get to ignore the Do Not Call list. Yes, I will report you.
4) Wedding themes. When the hell did a wedding suddenly require a theme? Aren’t a couple colors enough? Yes, I’m not a big fan of the traditional “2 static colors” approach, but I can at least understand it. But themes? Those are for children’s birthday parties. Every once and I while I see a theme that works awesomely, but I hate that they’ve become expected. People just assume you have a theme now. My response to the “what’s your theme?” question is just “wedding.”
5) Cutesy poems. Every time I see a cute poem or saying on Pinterest I feel I want to gag just a little. Maybe it’s because I’m not a cutesy sort of person, but does a guestbook sign really need to rhyme? The cutesy poems also often seem to get paired with asking your guests for money. While gifts are certainly not a requirement for attending a wedding, most guests tend to give something and blatantly asking them for more is rude.
6) The word “Bridezilla.” It’s starting to get thrown around even when the bride (and groom) are just trying to stand up for what’s important to them. Telling your mom that no, her second cousin who you’ve never met is not getting an invite because you want a small intimate wedding? Not a Bridezilla. Selecting a dress/color that a bridesmaid may not completely love? Not a Bridezilla. If someone is demanding that her bridesmaids lose weight or that all the guests wear blue just call her a bitch or a crazy micro-manager. There are words that get to the point far better than “Bridezilla.”
I should probably tack Ring Judgement on here as well. I don’t like bling and sparkles. At all.* It’s a personal opinion, but it’s not even remotely my style. I picked out my engagement ring after M proposed because he figured I’d have very strong opinions on the matter (hmmm… how could he possibly have gotten that idea?). It’s small, it’s simple, and I absolutely love it. It’s just a little annoying then when people immediately ask to see my ring and then can’t really hide their disappointment. “Oh…. it’s….uh…nice.” Thankfully these are always people who are acquaintances at best and people who know me better think it’s perfect for me. Just don’t work yourself up about other people’s rings if you can’t accept that people have different tastes.
*Seriously, dress shopping was like being stuck in the Flying Circus Spam sketch. “But this one only has a little bit of sparkle on it…” I was more than very tempted to shriek out “I don’t LIKE spam” in my best Pepperpot voice… but then I think people would have thought I was massively unhinged.